I’m not one who accepts loss gracefully. I was born to be a winner… but sometimes I’ve been put in a losers body. But I’m not gonna let that stop me.
So after “Rose” (I’m naming her now) told me she couldn’t hang out the gears in my head started turning. I hung out a bit with my friend “Smokey” who’s a good friend to both of us. I told him everything that had happened and how I wanted to see her again. “If you go over there tonight she isn’t the kind of girl who’s gonna stand you up.” Smokey, you shouldn’t have told me that.
I have my solution. If she gets off waitressing at 9 and has family dinner stuff I’m hang out with her around 11:45. Fool proof. Only problem she lives 45 minutes away. That 45 minutes is when I’m speeding. I shutter to think about that drive going the speed limit. To counter balance this Lord-of-the-Rings-Epic-Distance-Hike I decide to hang out with “Conman” (a good friend of mine who I’ve never named till now) and gal friend of ours. An important detail is that a few weeks ago after too much to drink Conman told this girl friend of ours he liked her. I’m not sure exactly what he said but it was somewhere between “I like you.” and True-Undying-Love for you. This girl’s house is about half way to Rose’s house.
We’re all sitting around enjoying each other’s company when I fire of a text message I’ve been thinking too much about.
Me: 11:45 I’m gonna be at the bottom of your hill. Be there.”
(5 minutes later) Rose: Dude I’m gonna be in bed. I’m so tired from work :(”
At this point I’m not sure what my next move is.
Me: 25 minutes be at the bottom of your hill.
She comes out. We go for a short walk talking about completely meaningless topics and her telling me of her frantic schedule before she leaves. We were buying time till I was going to say what I had to say. And we both knew it. So we sit down on a park bench and no more then 2 minutes later some random dude who knows her comes up decides to hangout with us. I hate you so much random dude who thought it would be cool to come over and “hangout”. So after a few minutes of awkward talking she tells me she has to go back home, finally we can get away from this guy! So we walk back to her house and talk for a few minutes.
I take her hands and tell her “Last night I was unsure of this. If I don’t do this right now I’m going to regret it my whole life.”
Then I kissed her.
In those seconds everything was in its right place. “That was good.” she told me. I only make her franticness more frantic. I can’t stand her speaking so fast about all her last minute problems.
“Rose quit talking.”
We kiss again but this time she pulls away.
“You don’t understand I’m coming out of a horrible horrible relationship…”
She’s speeding fast again and I can’t keep up.
“Rose, Your going, i’m staying here. Lets just leave this the way they are. You live your life and I’ll live mine and we’ll see where things go.” (Or some thing very close to what I’ve written)
We bid farewell. I’m pretty happy at this point. Things played out better then I expected. I’m high fiving myself.
Wake up the next day. Go to school and thats when I get it. In the back of my head I knew this was coming. Subject: “Just to clear some stuff up…” It’s just as bad as I expected. No matter how many times I read it, it still says the same thing.
But thats why we have friends. Because where I see failure someone else sees success. Come to find out this kind of stuff is normal. She’s having what is called a “freak out”. Being completely new to Pickup I’m not used to this. Her message I guess is pretty standard. Its basically what happens when you escalate things very quickly. It might be after sex, making out or in my case a kiss. She might freakout face to face, an email, text message or something like.
So this is how my freak situation was explained…
Rose is worried because she hasn’t ever been around me in a large social context. I built attraction and move very quickly but she still seems me as being a nice guy.
Footnote: not beta nice, I’ve been able to keep an alpha frame. guy just not a douche asshole either.
So what she’s worried about is that i’ll think this is some sort of soul mate-ish thing and I’m going to go around telling everyone we like each other or we ‘re together. She has to do damage control and make sure she isn’t seen as a slut. She’s still attracted to me but she has to be careful too. he biggest thing I took away was this. “Go with how she acts, not what she says.” When responding to her your going to want to respond by conveying two main things. Relaxed and no expectation.
This seems to be a good response: Say with something like “ok relax” or “deep breathes”
Then compliment her. (Nothing soul mate-ish) Convey no pressure and no expectation. Be completely relaxed. its ok if she knows your still interested but key is no expectation and no pressure. After that finish with an insider joke/neg. Something that will make her smile or laugh.
That’s the exact format I used and it worked like a charm.