It seems like I like the crazy train and the crazy train likes me. The crazy train is any girl who is bat shit crazy. The kinda girl who throw things at you, scream at you in public, and any girl who say they’re gonna kill themselves because of you. Any girl who was nice when you first start going out but the more you got to know her the crazier she became. Welcome to the crazy train.

My friend said the truest thing about the crazy train, “The crazy train is a lot of fun… till you try getting off.”

Now I’m gonna tell you about a few crazy girls I’ve dealt with…

Stab Me
So I met this one girl when I was messing around in online dating. Cheap fast and hookups if you’re in my shoes. We’d been talking and I’d moved the conversation onto sexual fantasies. I’m used to the usual rape fantasy but this one was too much.

Me: “So tell me your ultimate sexual fantasy.”
Her: “Mmm I want to kidnapped, tied up, slapped around, raped, stabbed and left for dead.”
(Holy Shit this girl is crazy! But lets see where this goes I thought)
Me: “Haha okkk well I’m down for everything but the stabbing and leaving you for dead!”
Her: “Oh no its ok, just miss my heart.”

Seriously what the fuck. This bitch truly crazy. I casually kept talking to her not taking anything serious, still a little freaked out. A few days later she tells me she’s meeting up with a guy who “has experience” in the whole rough stabby stabby sex stuff. I wish her luck and pray she doesn’t die. Then two days later I see her online so shout her up and ask how it went.
Her: “Well he accidentally stabbed me in the aorta so I had to go the ER and spent the last two days there. I nearly bled out. But he got some good pictures first.”
Ok that’s it ladies and gentlemen peace out block this chick she’s gonna end up dead somewhere in a ditch. Fuck this shit!

Ms. Colorado
Another fine gal I met through the inter web. This gal was real sweet, totally awesome, hot as hell and was almost perfect… Or so I thought. But soon the constant text messaging and freaking out when I didn’t reply revealed her true nature. This girl had only been with one guy, and I here I had her masturbating in her car during lunch hours sending me pictures. The best was when she sent me a picture fingering herself with the title, “Whats wrong with me”. I couldn’t help but laugh just a little. S

She started talking very seriously of me coming out to visit her. She had her own place, her own BMW, and even offered to give me her old iPhone just because. I realized shit was crazy when she said she was going to buy me a surprise plane ticket but then couldn’t when she didn’t have my passport information. That’s when the crazy sirens went off. I started distancing myself more and more from her but eventually she too had to be blocked.

I didn’t give her too much time to go Crazy-Ass-Breakup-Bitch on me. But I did get a few pictures of her crying because of what I’d done. I think that’s when I knew I was truly going to hell. Wish I could banged her in that BMW before things went sour.

Ms. Oregon
I thought this girl was gonna be different but was pretty much the same thing. Horny as hell, wanted my dick, thought she was a cool girl. Fuck it I need a vacation so I’ll go out there and smash some nice pussy in a cool city for a few days. Found a cheap ticket and went off for a weekend.

The sex was awesome. The girl was loud as hell’s bells and knew how to take a dick. Unfortunately nothings perfect. She couldn’t be seen without makeup. When I did finally get it off her in the shower she cried for two hours. That was really weird. When we went to the airport and I left she spent an hour crying before I left. It was so awkward when everyone’s looking over at me wondering what I did to that poor girl to have her crying like that.

I finally had to break things off with her because I just became too busy and couldn’t handle constant attention she needed. About a month later after a camping trip I checked my inbox and a huge message from her awaited. It was a suicide attempt message. I’d never gotten one of these so I got her on the phone and spoke to her for 2 hours trying to convince her not to do it. The longer we spoke the more i realized it was all a game to her. So when I didn’t call her back the next day I got another huge message but this time telling me how I was the antichrist and the worst person in the world. This was the best part… ”This world is full of back stabbers and liars and I’m done dealing with every single one of them on the god damn planet. In done. And you proved to me that there are no good people left. None.”

That’s when I deleted her and ran.

Time to Get off
The crazy train is fun and some of the hottest girls are crazy but enjoy trying to deal with the aftermath! I’m just glad none of these girls know where I live now. So remember its fun for a while… but just wait till you try getting off! My advice, get them out of your life as fast as possible before they come after you with a knife!

That shit cray – Kanye West