I really had to wrestle with myself before I could write this but I am completely imploding. Everyone has bad days and rough weeks but a prolonged period of helplessness and inability to do anything is depression. I’ve studied depression in university and until now never met the criteria but now I’m almost certain i’m experiencing a depressive episode. Just sitting here typing every single key is hard. I just want to stop right HERE and not write another word. Its been this way for almost two months now.
I absolutely cannot find the energy or drive to make myself do anything. I can’t even find it in myself to go for a run. I just sit here criticizing myself and all the reasons I shouldn’t go. When I’m dragged out by my friends I sink into a depression of just feeling desperate to keep conversation and hide whats really going on. No woman will have me and I have the lowest confidence of my life in recent years.
The sad truth of becoming an adult is nobody is there for you anymore; you are alone.
Since university got out my life has spiraled into nothing. When I finish school for the summer I had big plans of things I wanted to do. Now on the cusp of July none of those goals have been met. No matter what I do I can’t pull myself together.
Right now I’m studying something in university which has no jobs to speak of with a BA. It’s interesting and I love studying it, but after school I’m looking kinda fucked. I have no qualifications or employable skills. My resume work experience is empty. Every time I try committing to something I can’t do it, I don’t have the resolve. My confidence is at an all time low.
I’ve been in this depressive mood for a while now. I can’t get myself out of this hole. Every time I try to climb the walls I fall right back down, deeper.
This expresses exactly how I feel…
And Balls
/ June 29, 2012Several times in the past I’ve been in the same mental state you are in right now. Its pointless for me to offer you anything like advice because you won’t take it. If you won’t listen to your friends then you won’t listen to a random internet commentator.
BUT, just in case.
All you have to do is change your mind.
You are depressed because you choose to be depressed. Make the choice to be not depressed, and you will no longer be depressed. Yes, it’s that easy. And no, you are not different or special.
You won’t understand this until the day it happens, and then you’ll wonder why you didn’t simply change your mind earlier. I’m telling you this now so that if it happens in the future you will remember that you can simply change your mind.
Aaron
/ June 29, 2012I was waiting for the part that said something like “So I’m going to work on Fat Acceptance, study Nigil’s Big Game, and go chubby chasing until I get my groove back.”
Come on, man. Man the fuck up (and I don’t mean that in a feminist way). Depression is for pussies. I’ve been there… I went through the most horrid of a divorce 1 year 8 days ago, and I’ve been through unemployment for extended periods of time… But you have to man the fuck up and make life exactly what you want it to be.
And your degree is no excuse… Pick up a few books, read them, and execute them. Absolutely start with this book:
The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich (Expanded and Updated) – By Tim Ferriss
Then read these two:
The $100 Startup: Reinvent the Way You Make a Living, Do What You Love, and Create a New Future – By Chris Guillebeau
The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don’t Work and What to Do About It – By Michael Gerber
Get the fuck off your ass, go fucking run or do some sort of exercise to get that toxic bullshit out of your mind, maybe do a 1 day water fast or something to rebalance yourself chemically, and read The 4 Hour Workweek.
You need a fucking reboot, man. I expect to see a post soon where you’ve taken charge of your life. If you don’t take charge of it, someone else will, and you will forever be a bitch. Take charge now, saddle the fuck up, and get back on the path.
Later
FNG
/ June 29, 2012I’ve been there (and am kinda there now) , Bro, and I know how much it sucks. It’s like your braini isn’t working right, and it may not be. I hesitate to say it but a short course of antidepressants worked for me. We’re all pulling for you. It does pass.
greg
/ June 29, 2012Sounds like you could use some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Depression usually means being trapped in a negative pattern of thoughts – thoughts that often have no basis in reality. Re-examine your thoughts and change your beliefs about yourself.
Going to a shrink can be expensive, so I recommend trying a good self-help book like “Reinventing your life” by Young and Klosko. (Although scheduling a couple therapy sessions might be worthwhile if you can affors it).
Richard
/ June 29, 2012Get yourself to your primary care physician and ask for antidepressants. Take the meds, sleep in, and do the mindless crap that gives you your dopamine fix – porn, gaming, watching comedies, whatever you prefer. It seems these guys don’t understand that being depressed puts you into path-of-least-resistance mode, so you’re obviously not going to read the books and pull yourself up like they’re instructing. Shit don’t work like that when your mind’s in the fog. Keep your mind preoccupied with unimportant things. The fog will eventually break.
John Doe
/ June 29, 2012There are at least three types of depression. Sometimes it is not your fault (chemical imbalances, low testosterone, etc.). Sometimes it is wrong thinking, in which case And Balls is correct, stop thinking bad thoughts. Catch yourself doing it, and consciously stop. A third is situational (your life seems to suck, unhappy in marriage, job, career, etc.). If that is your case, do something about it. It used to help me to get on a motorcyle and just ride. Definitely jogging or exercise will help. Force yourself to do it. And TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE. If you think your life sucks, take mini active steps to change what it is that sucks. Get outside and get free vitamin D from exposure to the sun–that helps immensely.
Whatever you do, don’t sit around and let it keep getting worse. You can make depression worse by doing nothing/continuing doing what is causing your depression. Being depressed causes chemical changes in your body which cause more depression. It is a vicious downward spiral.
I was depressed over my situation for years. Finally, I almost killed myself. Then I said FUCK THIS and changed my entire life. Quit my career. Moved. And I have not been depressed since. Get professional help if you can’t break this depression on your own! Life is too short to go through it depressed out of pride or shame keeping you from getting help. As a buddy used to say, if you broke your arm everybody would call you nuts for not getting a doctor to fix it. Your mind is similarly broke and you might very well need a doctor to fix it!
Aaron
/ June 29, 2012Your mother has a wooden peg leg with a kickstand.
Operator
/ June 29, 2012Keep on track kid.
I’m just coming out of one of those phases.
Turns out it was low testosterone, So I started going to the gym 5 times a week.
Crazy, maybe. But Hell, it’s helped.
- Chin up, Operator.
LittlePDog (Starting Young and Aiming High)
/ June 30, 2012^what Operator said. Buy a copy of Starting Strength, it’s $9.99 on Amazon and you can read it on your computer with the free Kindle app http://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-3rd-Mark-Rippetoe/dp/0982522738/ref=cm_rdp_product
The exercise will make you feel good, the endorphin release and all. Follow the program to the letter and you will see big gains. When you’re down in the dumps like this, it only takes improvement in one area of your life to give you hope. I think I’m only a year or two younger than you and I also struggle with motivation a fair bit. If you want to talk to someone who has similar fears about his future and all then leave a comment on my blog and we’ll swap Emails or something.
At the end of the day, you’re a very young guy in the Western world whose taken the Red Pill which makes you incredibly lucky. Practice regularly and by the time you graduate you will have awesome game. Use that to keep you optimistic about your future. Don’t let minor roadbumps keep you down.
Senior Beta
/ July 5, 2012Have nothing of value to add to the other commentators, most of whom seem to have gone through similar situations. I have not. But you are a young ‘un with some interesting experiences. I would focus on what happens after school. Forgot the BA qualifications. Figure out what you want to do. Plenty of ways to get training (e.g. EMT like Dogsquat) to get a decent job. Just keep slaying pussy and writing funny stories for old guys to enjoy. Maybe you can make money at that like Roosh and Frost. Stay up.
Ed
/ July 10, 2012+1 Operator and LPD. Do everything you can to produce and retain testosterone. It is MAN JUICE and is the best anti-depressant in the world.
Forget running and lift. Running is a waste of time and probably provides no motivation for you anymore because there is very little visual result for the amount of effort required. For instance, to improve as a runner means travelling greater distance. But that takes more time. And whether you run 3 miles or 10 miles, you probably won’t look any different. Finally, study after study says that cardio does not burn fat as quickly as lifting does.
Lifting, on the other hand, produces more testosterone, gives better visual results, and takes less time. Being a better lifter does not require more time, just more weight. And as you become a better lifter, your muscles will get bigger and you’ll look fucking awesome. Then your self esteem will rise, you’ll go out more just to show off your awesome body, and you’ll be more confident approaching girls. The best benefit may be that you will be a more desirable job candidate because bosses will always choose physical fitness, positive attitude, and confidence vs. fat, depressed, and self-conscious.
I would focus on the upper body for now so that you can see the results and improve your self esteem immediately. Invest in some dumbells or kettlebells and you can do most of the exercises at home and not have to join a gym.
Also, stop masturbating for at least 2 weeks. It is mental and you need to spend less time in your head and more time on the rest of your body. Men are physical creatures, not mental. We get energy from doing things not internalizing things. Masturbating also wastes precious testosterone.